Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Top 10ish Words/Topics that will make you NOT pick up a book

Top 10ish words/topics that will make you NOT pick up a book

I couldn't come up with ten.  There's not a whole lot that makes me cringe.  I visited this topic briefly last year...so I thought I'd pick up where I left off (with one more!).  You know you have your list.  Those items that you just can't and would most definitely prefer not to be in the book you're reading.  Sometimes they surprise you, but more times than not, you finish a wee bit frustrated (or just don't finish at all).

1) Talking Animals - This is definitely numero uno on my list.  I can't fully explain other than to say if animals really do think and talk to one another, I'm not sure I want to know what my cat thinks about me.  She could quite possibly be planning a coup.  I just can't wrap my mind around animals with human characteristics.  There are exceptions of course.  Watership Down is just brilliant, and I would love to meet Aslan, but given a choice, I'd rather do yard work than read a book narrated by a talking animal.  Have I mentioned my aversion to yard work?

2)  Midlife Crisis - "I'm about to go all selfish on you and leave for another country to find myself even though I'll figure out I knew myself all along, I just didn't want to be with you in the first place."  Get over yourself!  I probably shouldn't judge.  I might one day have a midlife crisis and be a total crazy person.  But geez...whiny much!  Maybe that should have been #2 instead...whiny characters.  I wish all books came with a warning if characters are going to be excessively whiny.  How I handle so much teen angstyness at the library every day I don't know?!

3)  Symbolism & Metaphors - "What I'm saying isn't really what I mean, and what I mean could mean something different to you, and to me, and to him..."  Just tell me the point already!  Personally I like to be hit over the head with the moral of the story.  I read to escape.  If the author expects too much out of me, ick.  That kind of makes me sound like a lazy, lazy reader.  I like to be challenged, but not left behind if I don't get the great symbolism.

4)  Books Over 400 Pages - So I just totally shamed myself.  Please don't think less of me.  Maybe I've been working with teenagers too long.  Not that all teenagers are allergic to long books, but a vast majority of the ones I meet complain if a book lasts more than 300 pages.  I've noticed lately, though, that I like to get and out pretty quickly in a book.  Maybe because 95% of teen books being published are a part of a series.  Don't prattle on forever.  Entertain me and then be done with it already.  (I'm hanging my head embarrassed.)

5)  It Was Just A Dream - How dare you!  I'm looking at you Life of Pi.  I suspended belief for you.  I made it through man eating islands and hungry tigers.  I stuck with you, and you pull that...that vague, dreamy ending.  AHHH!  Unfortunately this "deal-breaker" isn't discovered until the very end, but what a quick way to ruin my day.

6) So this is what happened in the last book - this isn't really a dealbreaker because it can't be avoided, but I find it extremely annoying.  Dear author, please do not rehash the previous book for first one hundred pages.  I've already read it.  You already wrote it.  It's my responsibility to remember what happened.  Get on with the story already.  If 150 pages of your 300 page book is rehashing, perhaps you really only needed to books in the series instead of three.

So there you go, my literary "deal-breakers".  If you've got some time, I'd love to hear what makes you crazy!


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